Double Parking?

linked from xkcd.

Drug dealer

In my previous life as a fed agent I was often asked to assist with some "undercover" sting operations all over the Northeast US. One of the most memorable was a op in northern Maine. I was to play the brother-in-law of our source who's co-worker had recently asked him if he knew of any good dealers of crack.
Long story short they brought me in to sell him crack. We met the "Client" as planned and you should have seen this kids eyes when I pulled out this giant bag of crack we had obtained from a previous bust. He looked like he was going to start crying, like he had just come to know Jesus or something... anyway he wanted to buy it all, every last gram of it, but he had only brought $150.00 bucks with him. I thought for a second and asked him if had his checkbook on him and he did. I asked him how much money he had in the bank, he told me and I told him he could just write me a check for the total. This kid didn't think twice about it and started writing the thing out. As he was writing he asked me all the usual questions, correct spelling of my name, confirmed the date, then stopped writting for a second, put his pen down, and I started to panic. He looked me straight in the eye and he stated that he always wrote down "the reason"in the little space provided in the lower left hand of checks for that purpose. Before I could even speak he picked his pen back up again and started writing, then folded the check in half and handed it to me. Before I handed him the crack I wanted to see what he wrote, so I unfolded the check and read aloud; "For Illegal Drugs", the second I read that out loud we could all hear very loud laughter coming from the room next door. You see I was wired and 6 agents were in the next room, hanging on every word. They knew they had alerted this guy and without delay came charging into the room to arrest him, but what a strange sight it was to see 6 armed feds tearing into a room, guns drawn and laughing so hard they really could not even speak in complete sentences...

Credit: Clientcopia

Definitions

Few good Definitions

1. School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
2. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
3. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
4. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
5. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
6. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
7. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
8. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
9. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
10. Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
11. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
12. Father: A banker provided by nature.
13. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
14. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
15. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
16. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
17. Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
18. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
19. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
20. Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
21. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
22. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
23. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
24. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 
25. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Taken from a forwarded mail.

 

seehua

Men are Happier

Got this off somewhere in the net(Friendster bulletin). No hard feelings to the girls though.

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth and take you seriously.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station washroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars with your bare hands. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. No problem.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. You can wear the same shirt to the office, wedding or funeral. Nobody will notice. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have broken heels or strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Like wrinkles, white hair adds character. You only have to shave your face. Hairy legs? They come with the original package. They add character.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one watch -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

What happens when i call people :p

Mom: Hallo, eat d or not?

Jen: Dear dear~ (usually)

Boon Phiaw: (no one bothered to answer the phone)

Kean Aun: (cannot connect, darn i think he is busy boiling porridge again)

Vincent: Hallo.
Me: hallo
Vincent: May i know who is on the line?
Me: You guess la.
Vincent: Wei (some name which i didn't get properly)
Me: No
Vincent: then who is this?
Me: I am calling from Germany.
Vincent: See Hua, what the, not expensive meh?

...

(Vincent passes the phone to Esther)

Esther: (sleepy) Hello?
Me: Good morning there.
Esther: (still sleepy) who's that?
(I think Vincent told her it's me)
Esther: See Hua!! YON WANT TO DIE IZZIT? "/%/()=/"§(/(%§$&$)"/§(=$%§/$"=$§%/()§/$()/§(=)"!)?!$/"§&(=!/%)$=".......

Walao... it's been so long since i talked to you guys and you ask me to die? "=.=

Anyway, it's sure nice to go and surprise people by not contacting them for a long long time and then call them out of notime :p

seehua
A Prayer of Compassion
May i become at all times, both now and forever,
A protector for those without protection,
A guide for those who have lost their way,
A ship for those whit oceans to cross,
A bridge for those with rivers to cross,
A sanctuary for those in danger,
A lamp for those without light,
A place of refuge for those who lack shelter,
And a servant for all in need

~His Holiness the Dalai Lama~

iPhone Shuffle

We all know that Apple will be releasing this much coverted iPhones in the middle of this year, but this is really ingenious. Read the following picture for more info :P

-Warning: This is in no ways a real product-

Thanks to this thread for this very nice joke :D

seehua
*Let's create a world full of LOVE~